Whirlwind Wishes

Well, I think I’m way overdue for a blog post! First of all, there are so many thank yous to be uttered that they can’t be counted. The numbers of prayers, words of encouragement, and emails to uplift us through this whirlwind has been such a profound blessing. As many of you know by now, we’ve been traveling for a long, long time. Even though a few of those weeks we were with family in Martinsville, Chattanooga, and Anderson, our “life in a few bags” began at the end of July. After July, we set out on our road trip full of goodbyes, see you laters, hugs, last stateside conversations, sharing about the work we were moving toward, and preparing for our new life here in Kenya. It was a packed, but joy filled, few months. We traveled to Bristol TN, Columbia SC, Marion NC, and then between in Martinsville, Chattanooga, and Anderson. I spent four weeks in additional training. I remember wanting to move to our “next” journey, but I also remember being a little afraid. What would more “long term” life look like on the other side? What will we do? Who will we meet? Where will we go? How long will we be here? I remember vividly being in Anderson and realizing in was the last night before we were set to fly out of Greenville. I tried not to be sad, but really that couch at Grandma and Grandad’s has become one of my favorite places on US soil. And, suddenly, I was overwhelmed with just how much I loved the people God has so graciously placed in my life’s walk. Chase, and through being an Arndt--two sets of incredible grandparents and in laws, wonderful Usry extended family, my extended family, my Forest Hills church family, our Blacksburg family, our very large King, First Pres, Bristol family and church family, all of the churches and individuals who understood our calling and decided that they were about it too. I stand it awe when I thank God for the people in our lives who love us so well.

We landed here completely exhausted, but encouraged, and set out after four days to stay in Kona Baridi for two weeks with our friends Jeremy and Becky. That seems like AGES ago, my friends! Since then, we have stayed in numerous places. Other missionaries have graciously housed us during times we’ve needed to be in Nairobi. We’ve stayed at guest houses, a hostel, visited Tenwek Hospital to see friends, lived in Olepishet for a month, stayed with a missionary for nearly a month, rented a missionary family’s place for nearly a month, and camped on (yes—on!) the car on multiple occasions. In every. single. circumstance. God has provided a place for us to be. There have been days when the next two days are unknown to us. Our time thus far has been oh-so-full of relationship building, language learning, car purchasing, and house searching. I have been humbled with the generosity of local Kenyans and fellow missionaries who have been so willing to take weary travelers into their homes! We have witnessed God’s loved poured out on us. He has been faithful through each phase, each useless worry, each night we lay our heads on a new pillow. And, even though this has been difficult at times, I truly wouldn’t trade it. When we get comfortable, that’s when we stop relying on God and stop experiencing the ways he longs to show us His overwhelming love. I am so guilty of being too comfortable. It’s so easy to worship on Sundays and forget those around us, our very neighbors (and I'm not talking necessarily about the guy right beside your house). When you’re moving about, you have to be somewhat alert of your surroundings. You make choices about where you will stay, what you will buy at the duka (“store” in Swahili) down the road, how long you’ll need X amount of supplies, where you’ll store your other supplies while you’re doing X. By it’s very nature, moving around causes us to be a little more aware of those around us. But, a constant relationship or friendship that can be depended upon and nurtured isn’t really in the mix. That’s what I’m really missing, but I'm thankful for God's (and Chase's) constant companionship.

Even though this phase has brought us a new awareness of God’s very real ability to provide abundantly, we are very ready for community. We are ready to surround and encourage a community. To learn from a community. To pour into people and let them pour into us. We are ready to put some roots down. And although I believe we are getting closer to that time, God still tells us to wait. We want to be faithful in our language study so as to serve people well. And even though I’m itching to know what our roles will be, I’m committed to trying my best to communicate in the language of the people we came to serve. I’m trying daily to be obedient to God’s call, knowing that nothing is wasted and knowing that He is faithful. We westerners don’t like waiting. We like being productive, having something to show for our efforts. If there is something that serving in Kenya ISN’T, it’s that last sentence RIGHT there. And, quite honestly, if earning my latest degree is only used to lighten people’s burdens and point them to the Creator, I am more than content with that.

In my experience, relationships are where true service comes to fruition. Without relationships and knowing people deeply, what do we have? Without intentionality, what do we have? Without a commitment to something, what do we have? Without learning about those around us, what do we have? Without honesty and openness, what do we have? Please pray with us that there will be people committed and ready to help us connect with our community as we stand ready to learn from them. Since language learning is our primary objective for the next six months, please pray for our minds to be able to absorb what they can and not stress over what they can’t. Pray that we will take times to rest and that we will spend time working diligently on language with the help of a language helper. Please pray FOR the people will be our language helpers. We don’t yet know who those folks will be. But, pray that we will love them well. Pray that above all else, we will be Christ to the faces we see in our community. During this season of lent, let us remember that relationships go hand in hand with sacrificial love. Lord, continue to love and teach us how to love sacrificially.

Ann Voskamp says the following and I pray it is true for all of us today and in the days ahead:

By Grace, today I fast from the lie that my calling
isn't great enough because God isn't calling
for people great in skills, schooling, or spotlight -
He's calling those simply great in community,
in confession, in communion, in courage, great in Christ.
Today I will do ordinary things with extraordinarily great love.
We repent of wanting to be great
instead of loving greater.

Inadequate and Useless

Before I begin I want to preface that this is not a pity party, nor is it a cry for help. My self-esteem is fine and I know where my identity lies. However, talking to Audrey the other day, we came to the general consensus that in our current transitional point in life and ministry (in traveling, and language learning), we have begun to feel a little useless and a bit inadequate in our service. Which got me thinking, how does one prepare for ministry, especially a long-term ministry? It would be easier (not easy of course) for one to leave their home, jump into another culture, start ministering, go hard at it for a couple months, then go back home into their normal field of work, feeling tired and worn out, but accomplished none-the-less. This is the way most of my mission’s experiences have been; we come in, jump into a project, conquer, and head home. A feeling of satisfaction, but the question arises, what happens to the building, project, or people once I am gone?

This brings about the thought of long-term missions (which I am going to call mid-term missions) these are the one or two-termers (maybe 2-6 years) who have the idea of a longer vision, hoping to develop something that can be adopted and owned by the people they go to serve (this is where I would say we currently fall). It is the awkward stage of missions, as I think my wife would call it (Similar to her transitional lens glasses, somewhere between regular glasses and sunglasses, which is almost-but-not-yet. The look that always leaves you feeling super confident….). The reason I say this type of mid-term missions is awkward is because of the unknown. We want to learn the language to be more effective and speak to the hearts of the people we are coming to serve in their own tongue; however in order to do that it takes up an inordinate amount of time that could be spent ministering, especially if you pick a small obscure language that Rosetta Stone does not cover and cannot prepare before hand. You work on building relationships in the community, but people are unsure how much to invest in you because they are unsure how long you will be around. So you end up having very few real connections on the ground, and the ones you once had at home are fading a bit due to distance. If you are early in your years and career you have the tendency to be plagued by thoughts of how will this effect my resume, or what about the years I am missing in experience and savings? What about family, and having and raising kids, do you plan them for a furlough, or begin your family abroad, and what effects does that carry over into your family back home, and the young ones you will raise? Therefore, if you do not have proper training, you feel underprepared and inadequate at times, and if you spend your time preparing, you look at all the time that is being “lost” and may feel useless (a lose-lose situation).

Then comes the big, ever-question of sustainability, something every missionary longs for, what supporters want to know more about, but truthfully one of the hardest things, it seems, to accomplish. If you are going to leave at some point, it seems best to have a successor, for success without a successor, is failure. Or is it? Is a mission only successful if it carries on after the missionary is gone, or could it all be about the one person it touched? Do numbers matter in the long run, or are all the finances, work, and hard times worth it for only one? It is hard to justify to a room full of donors, but I think deep down it is definitely worth it, just hard to justify it in your mind sometimes. In my mind it seems the very thing we are called to do is to make disciples, to train up followers that can train others, thus perpetuating itself and becoming a sustainable mission. However, what do you do when the people you have come to serve won’t take initiative? What if they don’t buy in? Or what if they do buy in but do not want to put forth the effort? In our short time here in Kenya we have seen dozens of mission projects that were started with the best of intentions to meet a need in the community, the people were trained on how to carry about the mission, and to continue the good work of the project, but yet when the missionaries left, shortly after the project crumbled and disappeared. Yet, when you go into those same areas, with some of the resources still there, although a bit worse for wear, the people say, “Have you come to start back up the project? It was so good! It helped so much. Someone really should start it again…” The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Whose responsibility is it to perpetuate these “good works”? Occasionally, you may find a local individual with the skill and some vision to carry on (we recently met a 80 something year old Maasai man who is carrying on the torch of some missionaries of the past, but he is the only one, no one after him has caught the vision, or has the spark to take over in his old age). It seems these individuals with vision and gumption are few and far between.

If inspiring and discipling does not work, then the only other option is for the LONG termers. These are the missionaries who have committed their lives to serving abroad. These are the ones who have settled in their places of service, whose homeland is not the same as their children’s. They have learned the language through and through, seen scores of people and tried many a project, some have succeeded and some still floundering, but they are committed to the people and committed to their vision. In the wake of no successors they carry on trying to do the most good for the most people while they are still around, hoping the things they do and the people they touch will one day light the spark for another to carry the torch in their absence. This may not happen in their time there. These individuals may not get to see the fruit of their labor or their efforts blossom. However, as Paul says in Corinthians, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God causes the growth.” These seeds that have been planted, whether from short, mid, or long-termers, God may use them all and grow them into something far beyond our scope of vision. However, that may not always be comforting when we are hoping to see growth now, to see fruit, and abundance.

Bringing me to my longwinded point. In no attempt to pity myself, it is easy to feel useless and inadequate. We are young, inexperienced, somewhat unequipped and in our preparations sometimes it feels like we are wasting valuable time that could be spent working. In the wake of “failed” projects, broken people, and everyday trials it is easy to get discouraged. However, we deeply trust, as long as we are seeking Him, He will use all that we pour in, if we are faithful, to further His good work. It is just hard to see sometimes in the thick of it. Today I saw a picture that illustrated this point well. It had a man on a bike with a straight road and a finish line in sight, and it was captioned, “our view of life/ministry”. Then next to it there was a picture of the same man on the bike, a very short straight section of road, some hills, curves, ditches, mountains, oceans, cliffs with sharks at the bottom, and a finish line, and it said “God’s call to ministry”. It’s not that God wants us to suffer, but God prepares and equips us. Life, contrary to what we wish, is not a simple easy road. It is full of bumps, curves, trials, excitements, and disappointments, but God prepares us and guides us along the way, testing us and producing endurance. It’s just hard to see sometimes when you are in that ditch. And yet, we persevere and pray for those who will come along side us and carry the torch when we can no longer. We are all inadequate at times, and there are times I am sure we all feel useless, but the encouraging thing is that there is One greater than us working in and through us, even in our times of weakness and inadequacy. We have our confidence in this, in He who started this good work in and through us, will continue it until His perfect completion. While it may take a while to see we have faith that He is making all things, including us, new.

The Other "Tenth" of the Law

Everybody wants to be in control of something be it our children, our jobs, our finances, or our fate. We like having a firm hand on the things that are sometimes uncertain. One thing we have realized being here in Kenya is how much we take ownership for granted in the states. A few weeks after de-embarked from our 24 hr plane ride we realized that apart from the clothes on our back, and what little we carried in our suitcases, we owned nothing. Initially, for me at least, this was a somewhat freeing concept. No bills to pay, no maintenance of things falling apart, no worrying about how to protect or lose once investment nothing tying us down to any one particular area, we were quite literally free to go and share with people in whichever realm we saw needed help.

However, as some days went by we started to realize how hard not owning something really is. It is hard not to have a place to call your home, when you are not certain where you will lay your head at night. Somewhere you can make your nest, decorate, make comfortable, and settle in. Audrey first noticed and expressed these sentiments and while at first I could not echo them verbally at the time, I think my heart was resonating with them along the same lines. There seems to be a comfort we find in ownership. And I do not think this is merely a materialistic comfort or one that is isolated to our American culture either. This seems to be a cross-cultural imperative from what I can see, and while there may be some people groups I have overlooked I think this somewhat universal. We all like having stuff, preparing for the times of want, and being comfortable in the times of plenty. Whether you are a newly wed making your bridal registry of all thing things you may need for your new life, or a doomsday preparer with your fallout shelter, stockpile of beans and SPAM, or an Kenyan stockpiling on radios and televisions left behind when you do not have electricity. We all seem to like to own stuff, even if we do not have the means to use it right away. 

 
This has been an interesting transition in the missionary life. And somewhat of an internal struggle and stressor we are slowly learning to overcome. Can we truly give away all our possessions and follow him as he commands? This is one of the man reasons I believe it was so hard for that rich young ruler to follow Jesus. The further you go down this road, the more things you have owned, and the more solace you feel in this ownership, the harder it is to break away. Audrey and I are somewhat fortunate in the fact that we are young and inexperience to never have owned too many things. I have owned clothes, a car, and some appliances but that is about all we had yet. But even giving up these things was hard in a society that measures success by owning your own house, cars, and 2.5 kids. One is always, although many times unknowingly, struggling towards this end. Is this not the life, love, and pursuit of happiness for which we yearn?

This has been a constant thought over these last few months and it has resurfaced since recently we bought a car, our first “real” possession here you could say. Not that it is really ours, the title is in our teammate’s name, and the finances belong to The Antioch Partners, but it is ours during our work here. And although I hate myself for it, my materialistic side of myself finds some relief in this. In having somewhere to store and secure my stuff, to have some certainty that I can travel from point A to B with little trouble or interference. To not worry about the uncertainty or the “what ifs?” It has been nice. And as we head down to Kimana today to begin looking for houses I find myself both relieved and frustrated all at the same time. We will finally have somewhere to call our own, to rest, to be secure. Yet where in scripture does Christ ever call us to be secure? In fact, at least to me, it quite often seems the opposite. Is it not uncertainty what it is all about? Is that not the premise of faith being uncertain but trusting, hoping? Sure we need to rest, not in our (quite literally in our case) earthen home, but in His presence. We need security, not of weapons and walls but of our identity in Christ. We do not need something but Someone to call our own. So my prayer today, both for myself, our team, and for you, is that we do find comfort, rest, security but that we find it in Him. That we can sort through all of the different ways we try to go about it ourselves securing our own happiness and can work outside of those walls and make ourselves uncomfortable enough to find where our true security lies.

Home

Home is something I’ve been thinking about lately. For one, I miss it and the people that make it what it is, especially this time of year. And since being married, I have two families that I sorely miss. For two, we don’t really have one in the literal sense of the word. We haven’t really had a home since the end of July. But by the grace of God, we have had the opportunity to notice and be blessed by the homes of other people who have deeply loved and cared for us. This is a profound blessing I would have never been able to experience otherwise. There’s some serious reflection, praying, and self work to be done when you don’t have a home. You’re never quite comfortable…and yet at times I’ve grown to like that about our lives. I think God has been showing us the uniqueness and faithfulness of His character that longs to give and bless and heal. And I’m grateful. 

I think in the human heart there is always a deeper longing for home. It helps us feel whole. This time of year I’m reminded of the wholeness we have in the hope of a Savior who wasn’t born in a comfortable place. Joseph and the very mother of the Redeemer of the world frantically search for a place for him to be born. During the chaos, the unsettling, the lack-of-plans is WHERE HE COMES. I’m realizing now that there is spiritual cushioning I experienced in the states, where all was generally well if I was in my home. I could relax easily and be very contented. My family and dearest friends were only a phone call or couple of hours away. Here, my personal contentment has no choice but to come from within my very being from the Spirit. Or it doesn’t come at all. My carefully laid out plans and places of comfort aren’t here to make me feel better or distract me from the holy details of this life. I have to take notice. There’s so much need to take notice of here. I have felt the Spirit’s presence in new and powerful ways. I have felt the movement and action of people's prayers from across miles, bringing us His peace that passes understanding in times that are frustrating and hard. Author Frederick Buechner from his book Telling Truth puts it this way:

I believe that it is when that power is alive in me and through me that I come closest to being truly home, come closest to finding or being found by that holiness that I may have glimpsed in the charity and justice and order and peace of other homes I have known, but that in its fullness was always missing. I cannot claim that I have found the home I long for every day of my life, not by a long shot, but I believe that in my heart I have found, and have maybe always known, the way that leads to it. I believe that Buttrick was right and that the home we long for and belong to is finally where Christ is. I believe that home is Christ's kingdom, which exists both within us and among us as we wend our prodigal ways through the world in search of it.

What’s great about this season is the reminder and Truth that Jesus himself is the Prince of Peace, the very peace we all long and hope for during the whole of our lives. This is the season of his coming. Psalm 90:1 says, "Lord, YOU have been our dwelling place." I can confidently say that I have never known the weight of what this verse means until now. Of course, I have come near to God in prayer and seen his faithful workings for years, but I have never known the depth of what it's like to only have Him and the clothes in our bags. The Lord alone IS our REFUGE and strength. Refuge is not merely having a place to be and rest after a long day's work or internship. Ruminating on what home means, reminds me of college days and the sweet friends who sang with me there and those who made King College what it was. Abbie, Cassie, and I always liked trying to sing three-part harmonies together, mostly songs from the Wailin' Jennys. One of our favorites we sang together was called, "Heaven When We're Home" and I'll provide the link underneath the lyrics if you're interested in listening. Please disregard our banter at the beginning of the recording. My favorite part of it was always the chorus:

It's a long and rugged road

And we don't know where it's headed

But we know it's going to get us where we're going

And when we find what we're looking for

We'll drop these bags and search no more

It's going to feel like heaven when we're home

https://www.dropbox.com/s/336n20oaveu5huw/14%20Heaven%20When%20We%27re%20Home.m4a?dl=0

It's true. We have no idea where we are headed, but we have the hope that he is forever with us. And, ultimately, heaven is the home we are longing for in the end. We have no idea where we'll live in Kimana, yet month to month we have found the place where we can settle in and take each day at a time. This has urged me to think more intentionally of those who experience their own uprootedness this season and beyond, at far greater sacrifice, and/or those who have lost someone significant in their lives. Dear friends, I have to thank you for the fact that I am experiencing this unsettling. And I genuinely thank you. Because of it, I have done a greater amount of both wrestling with and resting in who God says he is. We can believe what he promises. I am thanking him for the small things this month like the ability to get a hot shower, snuggle and read on the couch, and am using this time and season to thank Him for his goodness and mercy to us, those same things that he offers to the people of the world in his coming.

Isaiah 9:6 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

The Creative Solution

This morning I was reading in Luke 16 when I came across something confusing. As I have re-read the gospels lately, there seems to be a lot of things that seem more confusing than they once were. However, I guess this is a good thing because in Corinthians 8 it says, "If anyone thinks he knows anything, he does not know as he ought to know." So I guess it's a good thing I am learning that I know nothing... It's funny because if you read the gospel quickly and glaze over, it seems simple. But as you seek to delve deeper many times it gets much more confusing. I think this is what Christ was referring to when He talks about hardening hearts, or people having ears but not hearing. It is not until, as He says, we seek, that we find; that we knock, and it is opened to us. So as I started reading my passage in Luke, I began to seek to understand it, and in comparing versions I came across this is the Message, and it presented it to me in a new light. So if you are interested, read it in your own version, and then follow along.

Basically a master tells a manager he is getting fired because he has not done his job, so the manager goes around cutting peoples debts, collecting half the amounts so they will like him when he is fired, and the manager gets some of his stuff back. In Luke 16:8-9 "The master praised the crooked manager! And why? Because he knew how to look after himself. Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you’ll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior.”

In Kenya, as well as in the states, people are obsessed with looking after themselves. Keeping an eye out for number one! Sadly number one, should usually be the last one we should really be focusing on. Often people are so concerned with surviving, or not even that, but the superfluous stuff that they equate to survival, that they neglect others. We push away others in need to get at the stuff that doesn't even matter. Which raises two questions in my mind, what is needed for survival (what is our daily bread as Christ teaches us to pray for), and where should our focus be?



Daily bread is something I have been learning and reading a lot about lately. Christ teaches us in the Lord's prayer to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread". Give us daily our daily needs. This does not say what is needed down the road, in advance, so we don't have to rely on anyone, but what we need NOW, at this moment, for this day, to get us through. This doesn't say that God will not give us more, or far and beyond what we ask, but we are not to be concerned about it. For the Father knows our needs and takes care of them (Matthew 6).  In order to really trust God, you have to be in need of Him, and often we try take care of ourselves so well that we are never really in need of Him.  So in waiting on Him, and not doing ourselves, we learn to rely on Him daily for our needs.

I am pretty sure that at times God works within whatever parameters we give him. (Of course he is always at work!) What I mean though, in my mind at least, is that if I say, "God I am waiting on you, but while I am waiting I am going to start the process of figuring out fill-in-the-blank". He may show something, but I have limited His operating parameters. Whereas if I say, "God I am waiting on you. It is completely in your hands," He acts without anything I can and would have done, in His way in His timing. It is a difficult thing though to FULLY trust. Most people say, you have to do something and leave room for God to work, don't just sit idle, but I am not sure this is true. Sure we should not be idle, but I think we should be focusing on what God requires of us, the poor, sick, hungry, those in need of the gospel, and let him sort out the extra stuff: car, housing, etc. Not sure it makes sense for both of us to be caught up in trying to sort out the trivial stuff! If we spend more of our time focusing on others, on kingdom work, and not on ourselves we solve the problem of sitting idle and not becoming too caught up on our own needs.  I am trying to learn that balance, and not to wear myself out on stuff that is not kingdom oriented. He knows our needs and that's all I can ask for. For He is the Giver of all good things. So seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and pray, "Give us THIS day our bread." Let us trust on the Lord in "creative" survival.

The Toilet Paper Incident

I am sure many will laugh at my ridiculousness during and long after this post but, beneath the humor lies something I am still struggling with (at home too, but especially here in Kenya).  I also want to preface that I deeply love and cherish each of the Kenyans I mention too, and in no way mean this to put anyone down or talk badly about them.  I merely write this to highlight the cultural differences and how it has caused me to struggle with what Christ has called us to as servants. I also do not think this is a struggle I alone wrestle with, but one of many westerners in a cross cultural context of poverty and communal societies.  I will also say that despite the struggles I am about to mention, Kenyans, the Maasai especially, are some of the most gracious hosts and givers I have ever met, and I hope to be more like them in this regard someday.

I wouldn't say I am a stingy person, frugal maybe, strategic with my resources, definitely.  I also struggle with people who think they are entitled and people that take advantage of others.  However, in Kenya, as a missionary, it becomes a bit more complicated.  First of all, Africa in general has a completely different mindset for so many reasons I do not know, cannot fully explain, and do not have room to list.  If you have been to a third world communal empoverished society, you are likely to have experienced it and understand what I am talking about.  For a good book on the matter, African Friends and Money Matters is excellent in highlighting the African and Western thoughts on matters of ownership and money and explaining the mindset behind each view.  It helps one understand why the other thinks the way they do, not that one has to agree, or that each culture does not have their weaknesses that Christ within us transforms, but only that it helps us understand the other.  

I can only explain this experience in a variety of examples that again are in no way meant negatively, but there is frustration behind some of them I am still working through in God's loving grace as He transforms me.  In Vincent Donovan's book, Christianity Resiscovered, about taking the gospel to the Maasai he writes, "A missionary is essentially a social martyr, cut off from his roots, his stock, his blood, his land, his background, his culture.  He is destined to walk forever a stranger in a strange land.  He must be stripped as naked as a hiking being can be, down to the very texture of his being... so that he can be a naked instrument of the gospel to the cultures of the world". This is the stripping that is taking place.

I first noticed this different sense of ownership on one of my prior trips when my jacket was taken and worn by a Maasai man, I think without any intent to ever be given back.  On the one month of this trip however, I have noticed this theme more readily.  A lot of these have happened when driving, and you just can't help but laugh at the context, and how they all add up.  For instance being told, "Do not pick those people up on the side of the road." However, this is only because a little further down they have their own people that are in need of being picked up (none of which is said, you just figure it out 10 miles later when your car is full and you weren't supposed to stop for anyone but you have a car full of cousins.)  Or, it is implied that you need to empty your car before leaving for safety's sake (and the fact we have a ton of stuff somewhere we need you to bring back from the market that we forgot to mention).  There seems to be a culture of things left unsaid until the last second.  

Our special chocolate bar we bought for a treat after not having sweets was eaten mysteriously. We have been asked on multiple occasions to loan money up front. Folks call us on our cellphones only to hang up when we answer so we will call them back and use our minutes instead of theirs. People go without because it is just the way it is, but when we buy that something everyone else wants to use it because they shouldn't be without.  A whole slew of things that just boggle our American mind and make us say, "This can't be right! Can it?" As I said, none of these things are bad in their own right, and I hope I would happily do any of these for anyone that was in need.  Yet, as they become constant and repetitive and build on one another with details left unsaid, it becomes more difficult to serve with a joyful spirit.

With this context I bring us to the story you have been waiting for, the toilet paper incident.  I had (and still am but God is at work) been frustrated about feeling used and taken advantage of over our time in Kenya.  It all started one morning with a knock on our door, a Maasai man that was working for us (who lived about a kilometer away) knocked on our door, said hello, came inside, looked around the room, picked up our toilet paper, rolled off two good handfuls and left.  We were a little confused, but just figured he really had to go, no big deal.  Second morning, same exact thing, maybe he ate some bad meat.  Third morning, again. This is happening.  After the forth morning I was hiding the two pieces of toilet paper we had left.  On the fifth day he asks, "Where is the toilet paper?" After leaving sad and empty handed, I felt dirty (as I am sure so did he), did I really just hide toilet paper from a Maasai I felt called to fly across the world and serve?  So I asked Audrey, "Was that wrong?  Are we being taken advantage of?  Don't we need toilet paper too?  Doesn't he have a toilet at home?  What would he do if we weren't here?"  What would Jesus have done?  Does Jesus need toilet paper?  Did Jesus poop?"  All are deeply theological questions...

Later that evening, I was reading Christianity Rediscovered and it began to talk about that if someone ask you to go the extra mile, go two.  If they ask for your shirt, give them your coat too.  Jesus is turning our whole system of ownership, possession, and entitlement upside down.  I again began to feel convicted, not only should I probably not have hid the toilet paper, I probably should have given him a roll to take home.  But, but, how does that effect every other instance that I have listed?  Does it?  Can I have my chocolate eaten, phone minutes drained, money borrowed, and be used as a taxi and shuttle all for Christ, all to show love?  Is it ultimately hurting to give in to these demands, or is that even our concern?  Do we merely act in love, and let Christ hold them accountable for their potential misuse?  Am I being taken advantage of?  Does it matter?  What about our needs?  

All are challenging questions and I do not believe there is any easy answer to any of them.  There are books that give one answer, churches that give another, common sense may tell us one thing, and then Christ goes and flips it all on its head.  I was reading in Matthew 6 today and I was again convicted.  I am adding what I heard, so you may want to read it in your own version. Do not store up toilet paper on earth where feces and flies corrupt and where it can be easily taken. Give it away freely, beyond what you are asked.  If you store it, you have to guard it. Then you are just wasting your time and resources when they could be better used elsewhere, doing something more important of eternal value, for the kingdom.  For where your treasure is, the things you put guards on to make sure they stay yours, is where your heart truly is.  These are the things that mean more to you than what should mean the most and best guess they are not eternal. Most times they can be easily flushed without a second thought.  I love to give gifts when nothing has been asked of me, but as someone continually asked for something I feel my giving spirit shriveling. Yet, this is not what Christ calls us to; he calls us to give freely beyond what has been asked.

Then Jesus hits us with one last zinger.  Do not worry.  There are better things to spend your time on.  The birds do not build store houses, plant a garden, or tuck away food and I provide food for the birds. I clothe the plants, and you are more precious to me than they, what are you worried about?  I will provide every need. It may not be in the form of triple-ply and extra cushy, but I will provide your needs. It is all Mine, why are you trying to hold on to what I have already given you?  Do you not trust I will again provide?  And what good would worrying even do? Does it make you feel better?  Add time to your day?  Make your problems go away?  God knows your needs, so let it go. Seek the kingdom and His righteousness. Let Him sort out the rest.  Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself, each day has enough trouble of its own.

So this is us, stripped bare, cut from our roots, strangers in a strange land.  We are struggling at times, but Christ is making us new so that we can be naked instruments of the gospel to the cultures of the world.  This is only through what He accomplishes. Father, give us a spirit of humbleness and overflowing love. Eesai.

The Cheesy Thanksgiving Post

I am not sure why I am constantly amazed at God’s provision; maybe it shows my lack of trust.  At every step of the way in my journey of life God has provided, exceedingly and abundantly.  Yet, whenever I get in a tight spot, I get worried (just like the disciples when the storm arose, Luke 8:22).  God consistently shows me, as He did with disciples, how little my faith can be, after everything I have seen I still doubt and fear.  Ever since I have arrived at Kenya, and even before in the process of getting to Kenya, God has been teaching me hope and trust and to fully rely on Him.  From raising funds, buying an airplane ticket, and going before our team was ready, He was already there. In each of these He provided His way and answered the little trust we were able to muster exceedingly and abundantly with His provision.  We raised almost all our yearly funds we needed just before we left, our trip went smoothly, and ever since we have arrived God has provided partners, friends, and opportunities, as we anticipate our teammates arrival and embark on the mission we originally had planned in Kimana. 

After being in Kenya a few days and adjusting a bit, we headed out to the only real place we knew of (besides where we will be long term, we decided to wait and go there until our teammates had arrived) where there were Maasai and we had some contacts and friends.  God used and blessed this time richly as we started our language, reconnected with old friends, and worked alongside the church.  During this time we made connections with four other missionary families that have each encouraged, enriched, and blessed our ministry in many different ways.  Towards the end of our time there we went back to Nairobi and spent a few days at a guest house, planning on leaving to go down to Olepishet (an area another missionary set up for us, completely a God thing, for we could have never found it on our own).  I came down with some food poisoning, but again God provided a place to stay with this missionary family and blessed us during the recovery, after which we headed down to Olepishet.  Here God again blessed us with a wonderful language helper who understood well the language and culture we were trying to learn, as well as a wonderful house, safety, and health over our month long stay there. 

Within the last couple of weeks, we began to feel our time there drawing to a close, both as we finished some of our language learning recordings and as we were starting to grow eager to visit with some other missionary families and begin the rigorous car search.  With Thanksgiving around the corner, we were again blessed by God’s hand and were invited to spend a few days with a medical missionary family and have an American Thanksgiving dinner.  In coming here to Bomet, we were blessed richly with new friends, reconnecting with old acquaintances, great food, hot showers, a toilet, and even cold drinks!  We have better Internet and phone reception and are able to make a few phone calls to friends and family, check our emails, talk with our organization, and also discover that almost all of the money for our car has been raised!  We are still not exactly sure how much is needed since we have not found a car in particular to buy.  But God has provided far more than we had planned to buy a sturdy vehicle.  To Him be the glory.  Continue to pray as we re-start the search for a car next week.  In the last week, we have been connected with some good contacts whose mission is to help find missionaries safe, sturdy, and affordable cars.  Again, he has answered our specific need.

Lastly, we are excited to report that the Strangs will soon be joining us in Kenya towards the end of December.  We are still trying to find some people and things to connect with until their arrival, but this morning were encouraged by a phone call of a missionary friend who invited us to stay with her for a couple weeks until our teammates arrived, leaving just a few days unaccounted for (yet only to us). God has already accounted and planned each of our footsteps, so we just wait for his guidance and vision (Psalms 37:23-24).  We are excited to see what he has for us next as we are overwhelmed by His provisions. We stand in awe as we look back at what he has done and are still struggling with our meager trust as we move forward with our tiny, childlike faiths.