Expectations

As Chase and I go prepare to tell our story to various church families and individuals, I have often found that in weak moments, I worry that getting support hinges on what I say or don't say, what story I tell or don't tell. With this idea, I may either say the necessary thing or the unnecessary thing, lessening our chances to serve him as we feel we have been called. I know that God lovingly chuckles at this idea. Obviously, this creates an intense and unnecessary pressure in my heart and spirit. Above all, God is the provider and orchestrator, not just of this, but of the entire world. Before I know my own thoughts, God knows them. He knows the number of hairs on my head. Luke 12:7, "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

Last weekend, I had a conversation with a college friend about how she was continuing to learn and was being reminded that we are not called to live up to people's expectations, but that we are to look to God. First of all, I have always found that living up to what people expect of us is tiring, and for whatever reason I still try. I've always been compliant, relatively easy going, and at times a people pleaser. That's not always a bad thing, but when I start to worry that raising this support is only up to me, I have lost sight of the calling. Leaning on expectations, I can't rest assured that I will say the right thing in order for someone to support us or feel called to pray for us. Relying on expectations is an absolute gamble. What one person considers an important part of our story may be insignificant to another person and vice versa. 

Psalm 46:10 says, "Cease striving and know that I am God." This is an excellent, welcomed reminder to me as we begin this process! I know that the Creator of all things is working this out. He has this. In the book called "Getting Sent" that TAP has recommended we read to prepare for our fundraising and ministry, it says this, "Because the Holy Spirit has already prepared certain people to respond, our job is not to persuade people, but to discover them." The idea that God is already preparing people to support us in this is an overwhelming and mysterious phenomenon. I pray that God will lead us to people who are personally invested and interested in the story of His work. I thank God for the ways I already see him working and for the ways that I know nothing about now. I know that He will provide all that we need.

“I'm still discovering, right up to this moment, that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences and perplexities. In so doing, we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer