Once upon a time, there was a wise old owl who everyone in the
forest respected for always knowing what needed to be done and doing it.
One day an indecisive field mouse, torn between two choices, decided he would
travel to see the wise old owl to learn his secret to clarity. Upon
arriving, the field mouse approached the owl and asked, “Wise old owl, how do
you always know what is the right thing to do? How do you have such
clarity?” “Clarity?!” scoffed the owl, “I have never known such a thing
in my life, rather I have only done what I felt needed to be done and hoped
what I did was right. The only clarity one ever has is hindsight, if he
is lucky enough to have that.” It was upon these words that the owl
swiftly gobbled up the field mouse. “I see”, were the last words uttered
by the mouse as the darkness of the owl consumed him.
Moral of the story: Don’t seek advice from a hungry animal
above you on the food chain or let a scientist write your children’s story.
Aesop I am not, may be the understatement of the century. I probably
won’t be writing or illustrating any children’s books, but I feel this
illustrates a point that I have had consistent struggles with over the years:
clarity, trust, and faith. In the book Ruthless Trust, Brennan
Manning tells the story of Kavanaugh and Mother Teresa. Kavanaugh one
morning asks Mother Teresa to pray that he would have clarity. At this
Mother Teresa declined saying, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to
and must let go of.” When Kavanaugh asked how she always seemed to have
such clarity she laughed and replied, “I have never had clarity; what I have
always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
Clarity. It seems as Christians we are always praying for it. Lord, help
me decide between these choices; make clear your path for me; show me what to
do. However, rarely do we stop to think that what we so desperately seek
is quite contrary to what God requires of us: faith, trust.
When we are certain of something, we immediately stop relying on anything else,
and often make a fool of ourselves. If I was certain that my flashlight
works and the batteries are good, why would I carry a backup, or buy a lot of
stock in candles? So often in my faith when I become certain of the
things God has for me in my life (the things I believe He has made clear), I
immediately stop relying on Christ to fulfill it and began to create a plan to
do it myself. 1 Corinthians 8:2 “If any man thinks that he knows
something, he does not yet know as he should”. Basically, if you think
you know something, you’ve already missed the point. So, in not relying
on God and going ahead with my own plans, I neglect to wait on His timing and
to fully see the fruition of His hand, embarking on a quest that was never
truly given (at least not to the extent that I have made it to be). So at
this point you may ask what does all this have to do with Kenya?
In this season of preparation as I reflect on the mission Christ has placed in
my heart years ago, I am reminded of all the times I have jumped the gun
before. Many times I have tried to make His mission my own instead of
allowing Him to bring it to pass. Looking back on it all, I am amazed at
how different my mission and life would be if I would have continued with my
headstrong ways and succeeded. First and foremost, I would not be getting
to undertake this journey with the love of my life that I could not do it
without. The building permits may not exist and we would not get to
partner alongside of the Strangs who have taught us so much about the place we
love and what it means to serve. Nor, would I have learned,
experienced, and grown with all the people I have grown to love over the last
few years. All of this has happened in His timing.
I
reflect on all of this even now as we prepare to go trying not to become rigid
on all the details and struggling with issues of trust and faith. Now
that moving to Kenya is a reality, it is easy to become focused on making a
plan and getting all the details “clear and in place.” Because that’s
what it is all about right, we Americans love our planners! But are we
trusting God with these things? I struggle with this thought: Is it
trusting God to account for all of our needs, total up a dollar amount and wait
until he provides that exact amount to know we are fully cared for, or is that
only a sort of half trust? True, we are relying on Him to provide funds,
but are we trusting Him fully enough to step out if they are not all there when
it comes time to leave? Is going without all our ducks in a row and
letting God work in mysterious ways the way it is supposed to be? Or
sorely irresponsible? Does my planning make me miss out on all the open
doors and opportunities God has for me that far surpass my ideas and
plans? All these are questions that I continually wave between. I
often fear that we make our lists and plans, not leaving room for God to
BE. We are completely blind to the I AM.
So how do we operate without planning and fully trust? How do we remain
open to the fact that the area we plan on living may not be the best place for
us to facilitate relationships, or that the ministry we think is best may not
be needed or effective in their cultural context? I don’t know. And
I think if I did I would have to reevaluate because I probably missed
something. So I pray, I hope, I trust, I think, I plan, and I learn I am
wrong, so I bow down and pray some more. I am not sure there is a solution
other that that, and I think that’s what faith is for me.
