Wise ole Mango Tree

As I lie in my tent looking out on the setting sun and a very large mango tree, I reflect on what God has been doing in my life over the past year. I think, as Christians, and maybe even as humans, we all want to be wise old oaks (or in my Kenyan case, Mango trees). We wish to be large, substantial, noticeable, firm, steadfast, admirable, producing fruit, and giving shade. I think we view our success as Christians and humans as how well we are doing and how grandiose we have become. We see our purpose to be efficient and effective and can only be successful if we accomplish these things on a large scale.

However, I feel this is contrary to the purpose and plan of God. While we yearn to be large and to leave our mark, God only wants us to find the small part of ourselves that reflects His glory. The piece He has instilled in us from the beginning. Our mission is to reflect his grandeur not become anything in and of ourselves. I believe anything that speaks contrary to this is pride. We want to make a name for ourselves, we want to be successful, and we want to give largely and without expectation because that reflects well upon us. I think this is only natural and part of the human self and psyche, we want to like ourselves, and so we do things to enhance our image. Yet, in doing so, I believe we are obscuring the Son. If I am that large mango tree and God is the sun, the larger I become, the more of Him I block others from seeing.

I believe we all want to be old, large, wise oaks (or mango trees) when all God really wants from us is to be toothpicks. God has a special plan for each of us, and a unique design for our lives, but it requires very little, if almost nothing of who we are. All He desires is for us to reflect His glory. So as we continue to try to grow into those large oaks, He is constantly chopping (sometimes it feels like hacking) down our limbs. We are trying to grow to be something of stature yet we keep getting knocked down. Often I think we wonder, why would God do such a thing, why am I not progressing, why would God allow this to happen to me? We have a different vision than His; we desire to prosper in ourselves when all He wants is our surrender and for us to submit to His pruning. So He chops, we resist. We grow new branches (some which might be very nice and even produce fruit) but He cuts them down, so we try once more, but again it happens, sometimes over and over again until we are broken. Beautifully broken.

I feel it is in this brokenness where we truly find God, where we accept grace, where we submit to “not my will but Thine” where we can let go of our pride and our identity and grasp solely to Him. We allow the pruning, the chopping, the sanding, the shaping until we are whittled down to nothing more than a toothpick. A tiny, insignificant toothpick that is easily overlooked, small, and sometimes brittle. Yet, its function is completely tied to the Creator, to reflect the purpose of His grand design. It leaves no doubt who is at work, for its identity is tied up in Christ. So my prayer tonight for myself and for each of you is to “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.” Psalms 46

For Such a Time as This

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places, But there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.” 

- J.R.R. Tolkien

It’s early morning. The sun is not quite up, but yet I feel called to write. Many times, I believe, we write to clarify our own thoughts, to process things that are going on in our own lives, or that God is teaching us. This note is no different, although writings take many guises; they all help us come to grips with ourselves, regardless of who they are written to. I write this letter to the church at large, to acknowledge where we, as a body of believers are, and to help myself process where we should be heading.

Dear Church,
I have nothing but love towards you, for you are a deep part of me. My heart has been torn for us, and the struggles we are having. I pray for us daily. I know we are hurting. I know we are broken and torn in two. I know there is turmoil and that battles wage within. Differing opinions and strong words have left us battered and confused. From loving sinners, accepting outcasts, supporting the downtrodden, and determining the authority of Scripture and the character of God, we are and have been left divided and broken. Issues of faith and our worldview are often the dearest to us, the hardest to let go, and the easiest to get hurt over.

In this time of mourning and of brokenness, I urge you not to give up and not to circle the wagons. I know you are struggling to follow the steps of the Savior amidst differing opinions and strong points on either side of the line. In disagreement and hurt, the easiest thing is to round up our defenses and focus inwardly and lick at our own wounds. It is exactly what the enemy wants and exactly what we must avoid. When we stop at no cost to not to lose what we have gained, we cease being the very thing we were created to be. In focusing inward, we lose our outlook on the world at large. We lose our effectiveness for we are no longer going to the world we were so called to serve. We are too busy maintaining what we have for fear of any further loss.

Following Him is not easy. We will most certainly see loss. It is dangerous and we will most certainly be uncomfortable, oppressed, among sordid of people, and possibly even in fear for our lives. Yet, it will all be worth it. I urge you church do not become so inwardly focused on the trials at hand that you lose the vision that Christ has given you as the church. We must be focused outwardly if we are to remain the church at all. We must be active in our communities, and in the global church, if we are going to say we are following the vision He has laid before us.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is in Esther 4, verse 14. “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?” “For such a time as this” is one of my favorite phrases in scripture. Everything that has led up to this point in Esther’s life, in my life, in your life, in the life of the Church, could be for such a time as this. What then if we circle the wagons, if we call it quits, if we focus so much on our inward dilemmas that we neglect our people, our tribe, or the ones we came to serve?

Will this stop God from accomplishing His purpose? Of course not! May it never be! God will accomplish His will with or without us, despite and sometimes if we are stubborn in spite of us. As it says in Esther, if you remain silent, deliverance will arise from another place. The question is: will you revel in joy in being part of God’s plan, or just watch it happen from the sidelines? We must be active. We must be willing to lose it all. We must give freely, because who knows if this is not why we have been put in this position, been given everything we have been given, if this is our moment. If we stop reaching out, what have we become as a church? We will then be nothing but a club, an inward focused organization that is of no good to anyone. One might say, “Yes, but we are rallying the troops for later”. What later? Do you not know the time is drawing near? Behold He comes quickly! Who knows if everything you are is for such a time as this?

“Sigh. Let's be blunt. We're a little distracted. What do you want? Once we could follow, now we cannot. You would not fit our image, so we lost the plot. Once we could hear you, now our senses are shot. We've forgotten our first love. We have lost the plot. When you'd come back again. We'll be waiting for you. When you comin' back again? We'll be ready for you. Maybe we'll wake up when... You come back again. Lies. Let's be blunt. We're a little unfaithful. What do you want? Are you still listening? 'Cause we're obviously not We've forgotten our first love. We have lost the plot. And why are you still calling? You forgave, we forgot. We're such experts at stalling, that we've lost the plot.”

-Newsboys, Going Public, Lost the Plot

If we remain silent, if we cannot perform our mission as a body of believers, if we cannot sort our differences, and learn to work together, God will bring it up from somewhere else. It is only whether we want to be a part of His good work, or not. I encourage you, be a part of the work He has called us to do.  We need to come along side others in our community and in the world at large and give the shirt off our backs, to walk the extra mile, regardless of the cost.  There are many ways and many places. But as a church we need to be involved somewhere, in His great plan. For we are His body, His hands, His feet, for such a time as this.

Palms open, held upward

“Never, in peace or war, commit your virtue or your happiness to the future. Happy work is best done by the man who takes his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment to moment “as to the Lord”. It is only our daily bread that we are encouraged to ask for. The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received. –C.S. Lewis

Kenya and the African way of life have taught me many things, much of which I have not began to process or fully understand myself. However, Kenya has taught me to give generously, and to hold nothing with a closed fist, to hold this life and all that is in it with open hands, palms held upward. One’s palms being up shows a submission, openness and honesty. They also indicate humility and uncertainty. I believe that is exactly what God desires from us, not the closed fists with which we hold things so often. Over our time here we have had money, possessions, and plans all taken from us. We have been stripped down to nothing but each other and God, and it was enough. Teaching me that nothing in this life is truly ours: not land, not a building, not money, not a plan, nothing is ours. It has all been given from the Father of lights, so why should we flinch when it is taken away? We (and I include myself) as westerners, as a culture, have entitlement engrained into us. We are self-made, hardworking, and do not quit. It is because of such that we believe we are owed something for our efforts. Not a bad way to be. Our tenacity is admirable, however, we must get over the fact we are owed something.

I think we justify most of this through comparisons. We work hard, harder than them, therefore we deserve this and they do not. Yet, when we flip that comparison against God, we are the ones left completely undeserving. Yet, that is not a comparison that many of us are willing or able to fully make. We are not willing to admit that in comparison to our Lord, our efforts are nothing and we are deserving of nothing.

In Kenya, there is not much that is actually yours. Living in a communal society anything you have is open to be taken from someone you have a relationship with that needs it more. If you hold to anything too tightly you are viewed as selfish and unloving. This is not so in the west, and at first, and to be honest even still, this frustrated me. Not only could I not hold on to my stuff, I saw Kenyans as having no concept of saving, or future planning. Yet, lately I have begun to wonder what are future plans truly? Who can truly plan ahead, especially when the present is hurting so? It is easy to trick yourself into a comfortable future when your needs are met in the present. One has to ignore those who are suffering because to acknowledge them causes your walls to crash to the floor, makes all of your planning for naught. We as westerners can save for the future because we are individualistic. One might say we are selfish, only looking out for ourselves. That is all we are truly responsible for in this life, right? Communal societies in many countries in Africa, in Kenya, and among the Maasai would disagree. They might say we are in this together, they, as the church should, see the suffering around them and take it upon themselves to meet it. They do not hold large grants or savings, they rarely have more than to get them through the week ahead, yet they give it more willingly out of their little than we give from our surplus.

There are many differing thoughts on this. Some might say not to give because it causes dependence. Some say only give to emergencies, to sustainable causes. True, some giving creates problems, but I feel ultimately that problem is one of the recipients making, not a large responsibility of the giver. I think so often we use the possibility of people misusing money as an excuse not to give; rather than giving freely to needs and letting the Holy Spirit be at work through the gift and convicting the recipients where there is misuse. This is not to say not to be wise stewards of the money you have been entrusted with or not to be involved personally with those you give it to, for indeed it has been entrusted to us. However, at the same time we must remember it has only been entrusted to us, it is not our own, we are merely the stewards. So why do we grasp it so tightly? We would rather bury it in a hole where we may never touch it again, than sooner let a cent pass through our fingers.

This is quite the opposite in Kenya. Kenyans never have money, and never are able to save, in part because soon as anything comes in, it is spent or given away. At first I saw this as irresponsible. However, one day I went out to the bush with a friend. This man has a job, makes a reasonable salary for Kenya, and I watched him visit his mom, his dad, his uncle, aunts, and community members, and he gave his months salary away to them for groceries and transport. It was at this moment, along with an accumulation of many others that something began to change. Again, I speak as someone grasping at truth he can see, but does not yet comprehend. I am not claiming to have all the answers. Yet, I do know that as a church we are called to give all that we hold: be that time, money, efforts, plans, world-views, biases, possessions, what have you, and follow Him.

Following him is never easy, and will most certainly leave us with many questions and concerns for the future. Yet, we must stay focused on the present, doing the work He has called us to do, holding on loosely to all that we have and entrusting the rest to Him.